Isn't That What Love Is (Chapter 2, Part 2)

I called for a taxi, not wanting to lose my parking space. As soon as one halted to a stop before me, I climbed in, my trench coat flying behind me, hair now crazy with the wind.

"Battery Park please, at The Ritz. " I said to the driver as we took off. I stared out into the window, buildings passing by and people blurring together as the taxi picked up speed.

"Fancy place, Miss. " The driver, who seemed to be in his 60's looked at me through the rear view mirror.

"Yeah, yeah it is. " I nodded, opening my clutch and pulling out money for when I was finally there. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not used to those kind of places. My family is, though. And that's where I exit the picture. I mean I'm not only different from them, I too look different from them. Everyone has blue eyes and I got stuck with amber, my hair is everywhere and not blonde, like theirs. Well, except for my Father but his chestnut color has turned white. You know, like Karl Lagerfeld's? Yeah, like that -"

"Whoa, " the driver smiled, lines forming around his dark face. "Slow down there, Miss. You seem a bit nervous, why, you're talking so fast, your words are ready to tumble over each other. "

I breathed heavily, chest heaving. I hadn't even noticed. "I... I guess it's just nerves. "

"Seeing someone special? "

"Oh no no... just, someone who used to be special. " We both sat in silence as he stopped at a red light. "He's getting married. Oh but no, not to me of course. Which is fine. "

The driver smiled again, shaking his head this time. "You sure about that? "

"... Well, yes. Why wouldn't I be? I was with him when I was 15. I'm turning 25 soon and he's probably... 27. "

"Well, your words tell a story, but your eyes tell a different one. " He raised his eyebrows, monster beats turning at an intersection.

"That's... that's ridiculous. Look! I even brought them wine. " I raised up the bottle so he could see, he nodded at this, beats by dre for sale looking impressed. "It's a great way to show them my happiness... for the both of them. "

"Wine is a gift everyone gets when they don't know what to give. "

"Now wait a minute! That's not-"

"We're here, Miss. " He laughed and winked at me. What is up with this man? Implying something I'm trying not to notice. Please, just let me be in denial. Please.

"Here. " I threw the money at him, a bit irritated. I climbed out of the taxi, bottle in hand.

"Just remember, " he leaned out of his seat as I started walking away. "It's never too late-"

"It is dr dre beats solo on sale too late, old man! He's getting married, there isn't anything I could possibly do-"

"I meant the wine. It's never too late to replace it. " He laughed again as I bathed in shame. "Oh and the shoes too. It's never too late to change into white ones, would go great with your dress. " He winked again, laughing as he drove off.

I gasped, looking down at my hard-earned Steve Madden pumps. "Don't listen to him, you are perfect. Flawless, beats by dre dre solo even. " I whispered to the shoes. I thought of the white ones I just had on, starting to have second thoughts on what would've looked better. What the fuck, Ava, he's in his 60's and he drives a taxi for a living. What does he know about fashion? Just get this over with and stop running into crazy people.

I walked off and into the lobby of the hotel. As soon as I stepped inside, I remembered everything. The nights I spent here for my Father's business meetings, weddings of relatives I had no contact with, running around our suite, I haven't been here in forever. Which made sense as I only could afford it when I was still tied to my parents. The one in Paris was more lavish, but it was fabulous, nonetheless.

"Hi, how may I help you? " A lady behind the desk asked, dressed in a crisp uniform.

"Uh, yes, I'm here for a party by the name of Goldington? An engagement party. "

"Yes, it'll be at the Manhattan Ballroom. The Indian wedding reception, right? " I looked at her for a moment, squinting my eyes and trying to process this in my head. What kind of people worked here? I said Goldington, what in God's name made her think they were Indian? And what part of engagement party did she not understand?

"No, they're... " I felt so dumb saying it. "They're white. "

"Ohhh... the one with the psychic stuff! " I thought I saw an invisible light bulb go off in her head.

"Yeah, yeah, that one. " My eyes bugged out, trying to make it seem as if she wasn't such an airhead.

"That one will be at the main ballroom. " She nodded so fast her curls bounced like springs on a bed.

I headed to the main ballroom, the wine bottle in my hand getting slippery as my palms started to sweat. I stopped in front of the door, my eyes landing on a huge picture of Cam and Loraline inside a silver frame that sat on a stand. Theirs heads were fitted inside a crystal ball, Cam kissing her cheek with her laughing. It was a sweet picture. I breathed, my shoulders drooping at the sight. I could hear music coming from inside, people laughing and conversing. I went inside, instantly taken aback by the whole setting.

"What... " I said, eying the aerial silk sky dancers on the ceiling, the colorful lights flashing everywhere, and the different tables in every corner of the room with fortune tellers and crystal balls on it. "Is this? "

"Ava! " I turned around, snapping back from being spaced out. There was Loraline, dressed in a gypsy costume. "You're here! I'm glad you could make it! "

She squeezed me so hard, I could tell she was a bit buzzed. "Um, I brought you some wine. " I handed it to her, weirded out by the whole situation. "Loraline, you didn't tell me you'd be dressed up as a gypsy, now I feel too formal in this dress. It really doesn't match the setting. "

"Oh, stop it! It's fine, I'm the only one dressed like this anyway. Let me tell you something, everyone was so surprised because they thought it was a formal event. But I like to be different every now and then, not your usual engagement party. " She winked at me. "And you know I love themes. Mother and Daddy disapproved at first because they wanted it at the country club but of course, Daddy's girl always gets what she wants. " She smiled, fanning herself with her hands.

If only my "Daddy" gave me what I wanted too, life would be perfect. But some of us are not as fortunate as others. Guests were all over the place and it all looked more like a masquerade ball rather than an engagement party. They did it big, good for them. A taco truck and some shots would've been enough for me.

"I'll catch up with you later Ava, Cam's looking over here and I know he needs me, my parents are smothering him again, I can tell. " I turned my eyes towards what she was looking at and there he was. Right in front of the bar where the bartender was wowing people with tricks, standing in front of Meredith and Jim Goldington. Meredith was babbling on and on as Cam kept nodding, stealing side way glances at Loraline. I turned back around before he could get the chance to notice me.

A feeling, something old, something deep, came rushing inside my chest. I came to know this feeling the first time Cam told me he hated being born into a rich family, because then, I felt as if I had fallen in love. There was someone, just someone in this world who spoke the same words as I did. I used to be alone, and then that changed everything. The beat was playing from the music so loud, but I could only hear the one thudding against my rib cage. A little beat playing inside me on its own, my heart was alive again. I turned around, slowly lifting my head in their direction. Loraline and Cam were by themselves at the bar now. Loraline wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his chest.

He rubbed her back, eyes wandering the place. I froze as he caught my gaze. He looked at me and it felt as if I were looking into a mirror, our reflections unwavering. For a moment, I stood there, a soft, toothless smile forming on my face. But ah, he smiled back. I knew he had already remembered me but this smile, indicating that he knew what

I knew, felt more thrilling than ever. I looked down before walking away to see who else was here. I'm going to shake off whatever feeling I came here with. He's happy. And that's wonderful.

"Ava! " Someone called out, waving a hand from the far end of the bar. It was my cousin Rachel.

"Hey there, Rachel. " I took the seat next to her, placing my clutch on the counter. "One dirty martini, please. " I said to the bartender.

"Some engagement party, huh? " Rachel took a sip of her appletini, brushing her cropped bangs out of her eyes.

"Someone could walk in here and think they were at some Halloween party. "

"Mm, agreed. I swear, where does Loraline even get these ideas? " She pulled out her compact and looked at herself in the mirror, patting her dark, smoky eyelids. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you since I haven't seen you in, like, forever! "

"Yes, I know, I think you were 19 the last time I saw you? " The last time I remembered her was when she had just turned 19 and my Uncle Lou and Aunt Agatha sent her to a boarding school in Germany for crashing her new convertible into a telephone line. It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't drinking with friends that same night, but she was. And here she is again, although nothing has changed from what I could tell. Rachel was alright for me, but a little more on the can't stand side. She's 21 and models after Paris Hilton. Her Dad, my Uncle Lou, owns a chain of hotels around the world so she could very well be Paris Hilton except with Dark hair and tanned skin.

"When did you get back from boarding school? You look... " I stared at her almost orange skin tone, skeleton collarbones, and protruding breasts, trying to see if I could make up a lie. "Great. "

"Oh I know, aren't they great? " She gestured at her boobs. "I got them for my 21st birthday. And I got back last year, Thank God I am out of that hell house. So, what have you been up to, cuz? " I stared at her as her big, brown eyes blinked at me, my brain not processing for a second.

"Uh... well, I paint. " I nodded. "Remember? Yeah, I still do that. " I was not about to go into detail about my life, let alone painting and art to someone who thought getting shitfaced drunk on tables was the ideal life and owning a pink dyed Pomeranian named Ms. Sexy was a must. I could talk about Pablo Picasso and she'd start going off on how she's never heard of that fashion designer. I could talk about colors and shades and she would gush to you about her favorite make-up palates from Givenchy. I'm being polite here.

"Oh, yeah! You were like, soooo weird back then. " She snapped her gum and giggled, smacking me on the shoulder. I already stabbed her neck in my head.

"Listen, I'm, I'm just gonna go to the ladies room. " I slipped off the chair, taking my clutch along

with me. "It was nice talking to you. " I placed a hand on her bony shoulder.

"Hey, but I didn't even tell you about my portrait! I want you to paint it! " She called out. Please, there was not enough paint in the world to paint a picture with those humongous boobs, I thought to myself, smirking as I walked further and further away.

I pushed open the swinging doors leading to the bathrooms. Someone had been on the other side, because a man was now ready to fall to the floor. Quickly, I grabbed his shoulders, helping him up.

"I am so sorry, I didn't know-" The man turned around, I looked up to meet his gaze. It was Cam.

"Ava... " He looked at me for a good five seconds before blinking. "No, no, I shouldn't have been standing there, should've known they open from both sides. So silly of me. " He shook his head and smiled. His smile never changed.

"I... um, excuse me. " I turned and walked away quickly. I was breathless, my cheeks flushed.

"Ava, wait! " Cam jogged after me, placing his hand around my wrist. I turned to face him, clouds hazing inside my head. It was too much.

"I was just on my way to the ladies room. " I pointed to the bathroom, a line formed outside.

"Come with me, I know a better place. " I looked up at his deep, intense, gray eyes, feeling a bit scared. He tilted his head, gesturing that it was safe. Hesitantly, I followed him. I didn't pay attention to where we were going, all that mattered was that the beating of my heart would have to stop. Pounding away like drums, I hope he couldn't hear it. My God, I'm not 15 anymore, damn it.

"Be still my heart, be still. " I mouthed quietly as we got on an elevator. We stood in silence as the elevator descended up to the fifth floor. The door opened and we were in a hallway with lavish carpet and doors upon doors leading to suites. I saw myself as a little girl, running down this same hallway.

"Yes, the bathroom in our suite is much better. I hope you weren't hoping for some secret one tucked away in the hotel somewhere. " He smiled as we reached the door, sliding the key card

in before pushing open the door.

"No, this is... this is more than okay. " I looked around the room, which had two, huge, plump beds and golden drapes hanging over the windows that looked out onto the city. Beautiful, black marble tables and carved oak chairs sat in front of a huge plasma TV. A huge, glass waterfall acted as the whole right wall of the room, cascading down onto white crystal rocks. The fireplace was made out of white marble, so polished and shiny. The kitchen was suited for loft-style living, it looked so high-tech.

I walked into the bathroom and looked back at Cam for the last time before closing the door behind me. He was looking out the window, his back facing me. When I was done, I came out to find that he had stayed in that same position.

"I... I'm done -"

"How have you been, Ava? " He turned around, walking over to a chair and then sitting down on it. I walked slowly to the chair opposite from it and sat myself down, now facing him with only the marble coffee table between us.

"I've been... " I thought for a moment, carefully planning my words. "Great. "

"Did I happen to scare you last week? During that time at your parents' house? " His eyes were eager, though his body drew back, resting against the back of the chair with his fingers on his lips and an elbow to the arm of the chair.

"I... " A smile cracked on my face as I shook my head. "I didn't recognize you. "

"But you did when you walked in, right? You smiled at me. " He said. "You know, when I first saw you, I kept telling myself that it couldn't have been you, until Loraline introduced us. How did you remember? "

I sighed, thinking of ways to explain. "You remember that picture of us in the yearbook? Well, I saw it. You should have seen my face when I saw your name on there. I didn't recognize your name either. " I shook my head.

"No? " He smiled at me as I looked up at him.

"Nope. " I leaned back on my chair as we both looked at each other for a good minute. No words, just analyzing. The lines of his jaw were much more masculine now, his light brown hair a shade darker. His eyes seemed much more wiser, as if it had seen a lot during the ten years we've been apart.

"No nose piercing, no bracelets, no boots... where did the old Ava go? "

"The old Ava is turning 25, therefore producing the new Ava. " I said, fiddling with my nails.

"Well this new Ava... " He trailed off for a moment as his eyes wandered all over me. "She's beautiful. "

I looked down for a moment, wishing he would say no more. "Well, how about you? Mr. Australian-"

"Don't say it. " He said, resting his forehead on his hand before closing his eyes.

"Sensation. " I finished, smiling at him. "The name everyone at Ross called you. I mean, look at you now, besides the suit and you getting taller, nothing has changed much. "

"Are you saying I'm still Mr. Australian Sensation? " He raised his eyebrows at me.

"That's up to you to decide. " I shrugged, my heart growing weak for all the lost time. Here we were again. 10 years past us. Silence enveloped us once more.

"Do you... do you still paint? " I asked, interested.

"I haven't painted in 8 years. "

"Oh... " I didn't know what to say to this. Was I disappointed? I don't really know. "You never fulfilled your dreams-or maybe, maybe they changed? Your dreams, I mean. "

Cam had always wanted to be a painter. During my years of roaming around life with a bong in my hand, I didn't know what to become. So Cam came along, and he sparked this ambition in my heart that still has yet to die. I don't think it ever will.

"No... they never changed. " He shook his head. "I just... I realized that there were more important things in life the moment I had to choose where to go. " I nodded as he said this, a bit confused.

"When I came back to Australia, my Mum fell ill. It took a toll on my Dad, she was his world, even first to his job. " He lifted his right foot and rested it on his left knee. "You know how I kept in touch with you for the first few weeks when I left the states? I mean... look, I'm really sorry we broke away from each other, it was my fault that I didn't put in my effort and just stopped but... things fell away for me after that. " I nodded at this as he went on.

"My, uh, my Mum passed away that same month. " He swallowed, sighing before talking again. "My Dad was distraught. I didn't know what to do to keep him up again. So... I made the decision to join his company, the only way I knew how to make him happy. "

"You used to tell me you hated your Father. " I gave him a tiny smile. "See, I knew you loved the old man all along. "

"He was the only family I had, if I left, then the both of us would have been alone. And what good does that do to anyone? Ever since then, I haven't picked up a single paint brush. But it did work, he was proud, like he had a new hope and he suddenly focused all his attention on me just so I could be a successful business man. "

"And you are. That's... that's really brave of you. " I thought of my own parents and my not giving up on my dreams despite the pleasure they would get from it if I had. I held out all the way to my end, regardless of my troubles. But Cam had a reason to fall away, to go in a different direction.

"And that's how you two met... right? " I asked hesitantly, looking into his eyes slowly.

"Who? Me and Loraline? " I nodded at his question.

"... Yeah, yeah we did. At a business meeting when she came to Australia to make a deal with our company. After about a year of long distance dating, she begged and urged me to move here so... I've been living in the states for two years now. "

I smiled, shaking my head. "I remember her telling me three years ago that she found herself a man. An 'Australian' man. " I chuckled, air quoting Australian with my fingers. He laughed that same laugh of his. The one I used to repeat inside my head when I missed him. "You've been together for three years now? "

He nodded, gently smiling as he looked down and placed his elbows on his knees.

"I'm... " He looked up at me, my eyes meeting his. "I'm really happy for you, Cam. "

He didn't say anything for a minute. He glanced at me, nodding gently but not saying a word. I stood up, smoothing my dress out. "We better get back, Loraline might wonder where you are. "

"Yeah. " He muttered under his breath, staying seated for a few seconds before getting up to open the door for the both of us.

------------------------------

Okay, by now, I had consumed about all the martini's they had at the bar for I was now fully buzzed. I know it's a formal event, but the drinks at the bar were free. FREE, I TELL YOU. I hardly ever got drunk and when I did, I didn't act like a clumsy, shit talking asshole about it (well, maybe not like the ones that cause scenes at bars, anyway). I knew how to handle myself, some people didn't. Like my cousin Rachel, who was now getting yanked off a table by Uncle Lou. I did, however, become even more blunt than I already was. Remember when I said I had a blunt mind? Well the buzzed Ava grows a blunt tongue when she's had too much to drink. After that, there was no holding back whatever came to mind. I made my way through people, almost tipping over as I fell into a chair on one of the tables.

"So little lady, you wanna know what the future holds for you now, do you? " I whipped my head around, squinting my eyes as I came face to face with a fortune teller. An old woman who sounded exactly like Shohreh Aghdashloo. Shit, I did not know where I was going. Or sitting.

"Oh, God. " I slammed my elbows on the table, burying my face in my hands. "Okay, look, I didn't mean to sit here or have my future read through an old freak who wraps fishnet stockings around her head and has claws like Shrek for nails, except red. Nor do I plan on listening to someone who looks into a fake crystal ball that was probably from Party City during Halloween season, you know, the ones that come with the gypsy costumes? Yeah, those. Telling me, that I'm gonna find love, or worse, DIE! "

I got up as she looked up at me with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her wrinkled face. "Are you done now? "

My jaw fell open, ready to gasp and run my mouth.

"Look, lady, it's just a damn reading. We're getting paid to tell these rich bastards that they'll be earning more and more money in the future. But they don't need a Godamn fortune teller to tell them that. Heck, most of these fortune tellers here are crocks, they aren't real. They're just in it for the money. So it's either you sit down or I can tell that man over there that everyone knows he's cheating on his wife with his temp. Either way, I still have to do my job for the next two hours and you're just wasting my time, standing there like you think I'm some kind of voo doo witch. Why, I can already tell who your husband will be. "

I turned around to walk away. "Or the husband you'll never have. " I heard her say. I came to a stop, walking back and pushing the man who was apparently cheating on his wife off the chair.

"Hey! " He started.

"Move, you're a pig. " I grunted, sitting down in front of the fortune teller. Now, if I were a bit sober, I probably would have allowed him to go first. And I probably wouldn't have called him a pig. But I wasn't. So screw it.

He shook a finger at me. "Ava Blue, I know your Father, I'm sure he'd love to hear about this-"

"Shut up, Mr. Donovan. " I faced him with a look of disgust, apparently, he thought I was still 17. This was way different from the time he found weed in my purse during one of my Father's business dinners. This time, the dirt was on him. I mean, why was he going through my purse anyway? The old creep. "Everyone knows what you did with your temp! "

That ought a shut him up. His face broke into guilty looks as he quickly and silently walked away. I faced the fortune teller, who was now trying not to laugh.

"You are one pretty gutsy girl, aren't you? " She asked, shuffling tarot cards.

"It's the dirty cosmo's. " I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I gestured over to the bar. "It doesn't even feel like an engagement party, though. I mean, who has freakin'... " I snapped my fingers, trying to think of the word as I looked up at the ceiling. "Aerial silk sky dancers! There you go! Yeah, who has those at an engagement party? Loraline's one rich cat, where are the expensive linens, where are the designer cupcakes? The engagement photos of them frolicking through the beach, all jolly and shit. Where are those? Instead, she has freaks hanging off the ceiling, rainbow lights flashing everywhere, rave music playing, a bartender who does stunts, and fortune tellers telling people things they think are true. I mean, what in God's earth is she trying to do? " I really had to calm down.

"The girl's rich, she can do whatever she wants. " The fortune teller shrugged. "Anyway, what's your name? "

"Ava, " I burped. "Blue. "

"Lay off on those cosmo's, huh. " She shook her head and muttered under her breath. "Now choose three cards. We're gonna do the three fates spread since you're too buzzed for the Celtic cross. No way am I gonna try to explain ten cards to you when you giggle every five minutes. "

"Sorry. " I whispered, looking down at the cards spread out before me. Clumsily, I picked out three cards. "And I do not giggle every five minutes! "

"The first one you pulled out will be from your past, the second one you pulled out will be from your present, and the third one you pulled out will be from your future. "

She flipped the first card, the one about my past. It revealed two naked people, an angel and the sun hovering above their heads. "Lovers. "

"Uh-huh. What about it? "

"Of course, it represents love. But it is from your past. Perhaps a past lover lingers inside your head, no? " She looked at me, her intense, graying eyes thoughtful.

"Uh... no. " I laughed, waving the thought away with a hand. "No... no. There isn't any 'past love' lurking around my head. " I laughed some more, then came to a sudden stop, "okay, next card. "

"But the card, it represents-"

"Okay, we're done with that one. " I said, taking the card and chucking it towards the left side of the table, landing on the floor.

"Okaaay. Enough about the past, then. " She laid a hand over the second card. "Okay, Ava Blue. You... " She said, peering at the card. My present. "Are troubled. Veeery troubled. "

A squirrel could've guessed that. What else is new?

"What card are you looking at? "

"Nine of swords. " She flipped the card over, revealing a picture of someone on a bed, awakening from a nightmare, nine swords hanging next to them on a wall.

"What does it mean? " I asked, my eyes focused on the picture.

"It means, " she sighed. "That there are conflicts in your life. The card represents fear and negative expectations. It's a picture of a bed because it is in the night that we experience our grief the greatest. It is then that we ponder our regrets the most, our worries. "

"On to the next one. " I cleared my throat, not wanting to hear any more of the fact that my life was one, depressing hell hole. What kind of cards were these? Seriously. She looked at me for a moment, raising her eyebrows, I nodded vigorously at this.

"Okay. " She lifted the third card, which bore a picture of a boy on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. "The fool. "

"The fool. " I repeated after her, looking down at the card then back up at her. "Translate. Please. " I said, my arms waving around like mad.

"The fool represents your desire to accomplish future goals. Room for new beginnings. Also, a chance to do something over that you wish you could, well, do over. " She smiled at me. "The card is upright, so you don't want to hate it. The boy, he's barely beginning his adventure. " She pointed at the card and went on. "And like a newborn, he faces numerous choices in where he could go in his life, the opportunities awaiting him. The sun rising behind him represents the start of his journey. He faces the Northwest, the unknown direction. "

"Wow. " I said, pondering this. "Does this mean, I get to, like, be the painter I always wanted to be and finally get Mom and Dad to shut up about me? I mean the card is a good thing... so does this mean, there are good things ahead? " I looked at her, dazed.

"Well... could be. If you play your cards right. Or you could go with the better choice. " I snorted as she said this. "Let things fall in their place. On their own. "

"You're a fortune teller, you're not supposed to say stuff like that. It's totally against all this mind reading, tarot reading, crystal ball observing piece of crap. Which is what you do for a living. " I let my head fall on the table, banging it several times. I lifted my head up, hair on my face. She was smiling, shaking her head.

"What? What's so funny? "

"I will not take that seriously and I will ignore that comment, only because I know you've got issues of your own. " She said calmly.

I looked at her for a moment, pushing my hair out of my face. I looked down at my hands, a feeling of sadness suddenly washing over me. "I don't... I don't have issues. I'm... I'm fine. "

I looked at her again and I knew that what I said and how I said it was no more convincing than I could make it. My eyes grew a bit blurry, a lump rising in my throat. "You're right. I do have issues. "

I sighed, looking around the ballroom, trying not to fall apart. "I live in a studio. I'm behind on rent. My job as a receptionist at the museum doesn't cover all my expenses... " I sighed, blinking back into clear vision again. "I am estranged from my family. They're stinking rich while I try to work my butt off to have the Godamn sink replaced. The only sink I have, which leaks everywhere. I wanna paint, but nobody likes my work. Which is hell for me because it's the only thing I can see myself doing. Everyone hates me because they're all so successful and I'm not. And that man... that man over there... " I ran out of breath for a second, my eyes falling on Cam, who was talking to some friends on the other side of the room. The fortune teller waited for me to say something, following my eyes in the direction I was looking.

"Ah, " she nodded and smiled. "So the groom it is. "

"He was my first love. " I looked up at her, tears ready to escape my eyes. "He's getting married. " I shrugged and smiled, shaking my head as I traced the patterns on the tablecloth. "And there's nothing... nothing I can do about it. "

"Do you still love him? " She asked, her face full of thought.

"I... I don't know. " I shook my head trying not to blink so the tears wouldn't fall. God, this feels like crap. It really does. "One thing I'll admit though, that I didn't want to admit all this time, is that... I really, really, don't want him to get married. "

"And why not? " She asked, focused on me.

I grew quiet for a while, thinking back on the letter. "Because I was supposed to wait for him, and he was supposed to wait for me. He was supposed to go to art school here ahead of me and then after finishing my last two years of high school, I was to follow him. "

"Did it... did it happen? "

"No, " I said softly, looking up at her and giving her a watery grin. "It never... it never happened. "

"Is this something... something you wish you could do all over again? Something you would make changes for if you could rewind time? "

"Of course, of course I would want to know how it would have been like if he had returned to me. But it's not possible, is it? " Ugh, I was close to drunk and the vulnerable side of my was out in the open, in public. Why now? She looked at me with a weird expression on her face, as if she had been lost in thought.

"Listen, Ava. "

"Hm? " I murmured, laying my head back down on the table.

"Have you gotten a party favor yet? You know, those beautiful gem necklaces people are wearing? Would you like one? "

"No thank you, I don't need a piece of chain with Cam and Loraline's initials on it. "

"This one, this one is different. No initials. " She leaned down and ransacked through her carpet bag purse, pulling out a thin, silver chain with a shiny, red, polished stone dangling from it. It wasn't cluttered with gems but it sure looked ancient. "This is different. "

I looked around at the other people wearing the party favor. The necklace looked very different in color, size, everything. Everyone's necklace was busy, bursting with colorful gems, fit for Queen Victoria. Whereas the necklace that dangled from her bony fingers stood out with the single blood red stone and blinding silver chain. I blinked at it a couple times, I was still tipsy as fuck.

"You have to be careful though, " she slowly dropped it into my palm, the chain cold against my skin. "It is a very different necklace. There is no other like it. "

"Please, I walk by Tiffany's everyday and I've seen better versions of this. " I said, holding it out in front of me.

"But it cannot do what this necklace can do. " She winked at me, her raspy voice more mysterious than ever.

"What? It has magic? " I smirked.

"Be careful when you wear this necklace. You only get one chance. "

"Okay, seriously, I don't know what you're talking about. " I said, laughing a little bit.

"Put it on and wait for a day to pass... and time will rewind back to 7 years ago. Just after your 18th birthday. " She said this slowly, her eyes gleaming like mad. I would've gotten scared, but I was close to drunk, so I just thought she was crazy.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You're a fortune teller, they hired you to tell me lies and freak me out, go on, I can take it. "

She ignored this, however, and went on. "I don't know where it will take you, just that it will take you back to your past. Nobody will know that time has gone back except for you. The things you wish you could do all over again and change will now be possible to do. "

"You're... scaring me. " I said, looking into her eyes, which looked freakishly hypnotized. Was her soul still here? Did she even know who she was talking to?

"You only get one chance, however. This necklace works once and never again. As soon as it leaves your neck, it will bring you back to the now you are living today. After that, the necklace disappears and no one but you will remember the events that occurred in the past. That is, if you choose to return. And if you ever do, the necklace will take you back in any place, any event happening without it being your choice. This necklace is to be used wisely. "

I just listened to a fortune teller playing jokes with me. I looked at her as her eyes came back to earth, or so it looked like. "Uh, are you okay? That was a... a cool story. Hey, you should write a book about that, you know, girl wears necklace, girl travels through time. You know, that sort of thing. "

"Take this chance, Ava. Don't mess it up. " She looked at me, placing a bony hand on mine. Her eyes more freaky than ever. "Wait for Cam, he will be there. "

I had enough of non-sense for the night. This was ridiculous. "Okay, well, it's been fun. But it's late, I still have to catch a taxi. " I opened my clutch, dropping the necklace inside. "Thanks for the weird necklace and see you in, well, never. " I got up, trying to keep my balance before walking away.

"Remember what I said, Ava. Remember the rules. "

I walked further and further away, glad her husky voice was now drowned out by people and the loud music. The events of the day was too much for me and I was exhausted. I took a deep breath and scanned the crowd for Cam, one more time. I found him against all the nightclub furniture, sitting on a chair by himself looking lost in thought. This would be interrupted, however, as Loraline slid to his side, wrapping her arms around him.

She truly was a lucky girl. She really was. Did she know? I pushed open the door and walked out.

Did she know that Cam was gentle on the outside but sometimes aggressive on the inside? Did she know he secretly liked to smoke weed inside closets? That his favorite artist was Egon Schiele? Did she know that he loved to stay in bed on Sunday mornings?

Did she know that he probably, secretly misses marmite? I hope she did. And he loves rainy days. I hope she knew that too. But most of all, I hope she marries him for it, I hope she marries him for all the qualities he embodied. Not the man in a suit, who runs killer meetings and makes millions of dollars a year. But if she had already known it then, would she have loved him just the same if he became a painter instead of the ideal man? I know I would've. I still do.

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Isn't That What Love Is (Chapter Five)

My head was throbbing, and even with my eyes closed, I could tell I was in an unfamiliar place. When I was 10, I used to have these intense dreams that if I would concentrate on them enough while they were happening, it became real to me. Of course, dreams always felt real, but it felt like my dreams were reality and that my life was actually just me imagining things. I'd be floating on a cloud, or I'd be alone on an island, or

a thick forest. And the peculiar thing was that most people would be quite frightened at such things because they hate being alone, but in my dream, I yearned for that sense of distance from civilization, just as I yearned to break away from my actual life as a teenager.

But here, in this moment, darkness was everywhere, my throat was dry, and I couldn't speak clearly. I could feel myself murmuring random words but it was as if my ears had muffled them out. Oddly enough, it felt as if I were in one of those dreams again, lacking company and wandering in a desolate place. I urged myself to lift up my eyelids but even when I tried, my eyes wouldn't open to life. But finally, after what seemed like days of my body limp on a ground somewhere, I opened my eyes ever so slowly and snapped them shut again when I saw that everything was spinning around me, different colors blending and blurring together. Where I was, I still didn't know.

Finally, silence. I waited till a sound, anything familiar, broke out around me. Then suddenly, a shocking gust of wind came and I felt myself stand up. My eyes opened quickly and this time, there was no effort to it. I nearly screamed at how close the oncoming subway, which was the very first thing I saw, halted before me. I then eyed the people coming out as the doors opened, thinking maybe I really was in some kind of dream beats tour by dr dre that had turned into reality. I looked around wildly, trying to make out the place I was in before realizing that I was in a subway station, people passing me and ignoring me beats by dre dre pros as if beats by dre dre pros it was the most normal thing in the world for me to be there. No one cared.

"Where... " I backed away from the subway slowly, my heartbeat quickening as I frantically looked around. "Where... am I? "

For a couple of seconds, I was in shock, freezing and just standing there before coming up with what to do at that moment. I slowly walked away, pissing off an overweight woman pushing

a stroller with a sleeping toddler inside behind me. It was because of my slow pace, which contrasted with everyone's bustling nature. Finally, she came around me after excusing herself in a rude tone. I was in too much a daze to have said something, and I continued to walk slowly and eye my surroundings. I faced a subway train that was waiting for passengers and saw myself looking back into the window, my reflection visible. That's when the monster headphones red gleam blinded me.

I furiously rubbed my eyes before looking up into my own reflection again. Before examining my features, my eyes fell upon the chain around my neck and the bright, vivid, and glowing pendant that hung from it. I gasped a little, reaching slowly to touch it. My eyes were fixated on it, until I saw that my hair was long, curly, and was a shade lighter than my normal hair color. My face was smoother and skinnier and the nose pierce I used to have 7 years ago was visible right through the tiny little diamond on my nose. I was shorter, my body much more narrow, and the curves that the almost 25-year-old Ava had were replaced by skinny hips, pelvic bones slightly jutting out. I looked down at my clothes and saw that I sported the same leather jacket I had accidentally left on the subway three years ago, acid washed skinny jeans, a Guns N' Roses t-shirt, and bracelets after bracelets after bracelets blanketing my wrists.

"No way, " I muttered under my breath and shook my head.

I was staring straight at 18-year-old Ava, fresh from moving out of her parents' house. I know because there was a tattoo on my collarbone that read "free and far away" in loopy, cursive writing that I got the following week after I left the mansion. But I couldn't let a few past features convince me that it was 7 years ago all over again. I looked at myself once more, my eyes falling on a white piece of paper sticking out of my jean pocket. Hoping to come across something that made some sense, I quickly pulled it out and unfolded it, reading its contents.

"R142 Train #4, " I read aloud. "8 o'clock. "

I looked up into the digital clock that was displayed to my right just above an escalator. 7: 45. Without thinking, I started walking quickly, assuming it would lead me to where this would all make sense. But I was still in denial, it was still 2011. It had to be. As I made my way to where I knew the New York City Subway's R142 train #4 always stopped, I felt lost. Unaware of my own doing, I grabbed a newspaper out of a man's hand who was sitting on a bench. My eyes searched for the date. August 24, 2004. This just wasn't making any sense.

"Sir, what's the date today? " I asked frantically, oblivious to the man's annoyed face as he looked at me as if I were insane.

"You practically plucked the paper out of my hand to see for yourself, didn't you? " He said rather rudely. But he was the least of my problems, and with that, I paid no more attention and continued walking.

I kept walking in a rather crazed fashion, gaining the looks of others as they probably wondered what was wrong with me. I looked around madly, my mind not accepting all the events that were occurring right then and there.

"Ma'am, " I grabbed a woman by the shoulders with desperation, yearning for the year 2011 to come out of her lips. "What's the date today? "

"Uh... " She looked down at me, a bit freaked out. "It's August 24, 2004. Why do you ask? And can you get your hands off-"

"Who's the President of the United States? " Obama, Obama, Obama. PLEASE!

"George W. Bush! Lady, please, what is your problem?! " She tried shaking me off, but my hands just fell limp to my sides. "You can't just walk up to people and ask-"

I didn't let her finish, walking off again to reach R142 train #4. People inside subway stations were just as rude and annoying, nothing changed about that. Maybe there was hope.

My feet kept shuffling past homeless people pushing carts, business people who wore sneakers and were holding their work shoes, people who played instruments and had their hats on the floor for change, and women with their crying babies, making the atmosphere in the station more than hectic. As I saw train R142 #4 come into view, I slowed down and then continued to walk closer to it. Then, suddenly, all denial disintegrated as I stopped dead in my tracks. My heart stopped and it seemed as if time did too. I couldn't move as I stood there, never taking my eyes off a man holding a brown Duffle bag with a black backpack over his shoulders. He looked to be about 20 and had on jeans and an olive-green jacket, his brown, wavy hair short and shining above his head. His tall frame and broad shoulders made him stand out as he pulled the straps on his backpack closer to his back. He looked around, obviously looking for someone, or rather waiting. I slowly put my foot forward, either hesitant or impatient to close the distance between us. Until his eyes finally met me, freezing and then breaking out into a generous smile.

"Ava! " He ran up to me, dropping the Duffle bag in his hands to sweep me up into his arms. He held me tight, my face buried in his neck. His scent tugged at my heartstrings, a shock of old feelings rushing back to me and hitting me hardly in the chest. My body was stiff as I froze to the surreal state of the situation. My heart was beating loudly against my chest, a lump rising in my throat as unfelt tears started to well up into my eyes. This wasn't happening, this wasn't real. So why was I able to feel every emotion possible during this mind-boggling meeting?

"I've missed you, " he whispered into my ear, but it only came out muffled to me as I could not get past reality and that this was really happening.

I swallowed, my throat dry. I opened my lips to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, forcing my voice to push through, I said his name.

"Cam? "

He loosened his grip on me, slowly looking into my eyes and when he did, I had to look away for the assumption that I was not capable of handling this. It was coming so fast, I didn't have the time to react properly.

"The two years practically killed me, " he smiled, cupping my cheeks with his hands. "I'm finally here, with you. "

I could only space out and look at him, taking in his smooth skin, defined jaw-line, and deep, gray eyes. We were in a subway station; I had to keep telling myself this wasn't heaven.

"Ava, what's wrong? " He held my shoulders and smiled, exposing a set of straight, white teeth. "Are you not excited about this? We're broke, this place is a dump, but we're here, Ava. We're here. "

He had such urgency in his voice, begging me to embrace this for real. His words, I could tell by the way he spoke, he had his edge. This Cam, standing in front of me, was still the same. Young and reckless, impulsive but gentle. It almost left me breathless at how deeply it tugged at the familiar spot in my heart that used to react to it. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

"Are you... " I began to laugh, my eyes glistening in disbelief. "Are you... " I felt his arms and

caressed his cheeks. "Are you really here? "

My words came out as a whisper and he nodded, his thumbs catching the tears that escaped my eyes as he held my cheeks. He smiled and pulled me into an embrace once more. For the sake of Cam, for the sake of this odd situation, I was going to accept it for now as to not scare him. I reached for the red pendant, which was warm against my chest. I felt a jolt of energy and nearly gasped.

"Now come on, " he pulled away and picked up his bag. "If we hurry, we can catch the next train to Manhattan. "

"Wait, where are we-" But he had grabbed my hand and started running before I could finish.

"Cam, wait! Why are we going to Manhattan?! " My hair was flying behind me, his grip tight around my fingers as we snaked through a throng of people, running as fast as our legs could take us.

"No time for talking! We have to go! I'll explain everything on the train! " He was breathless but he smiled as he looked back at me, his hair fluttering. My heart skipped a beat. I'm dreaming and I know it, but please, no one wake me up.

****************************************************

"NO, NO, CAM! DON'T, IT'S ABOUT TO CLOSE! " We were still running, approaching the train now, its doors closing.

"Oh no... not in my terms. " He laughed grimly and shook his head. "Come on, trust me, we're gonna make this. " And with that, his grip tightened around my hand, yanking me quickly towards the entrance.

"Cam! " I shrieked, fighting back a laugh as my adrenaline kicked in overdrive.

"I got you, Ava. "

He quickly pulled me in by the waist as we zipped right through the closing doors, barely making it inside, my body pressing tightly against his as we came face to face. We were pushed up against the glass as the train began moving, our chests heaving as we smiled at each other, breathless.

"Told you I had you. " He whispered.

****************************************************

We walked through the aisle hand in hand, trying to find seats. I couldn't help looking around at the passengers as he concentrated on spotting empty sections. I observed the place around me, still trying to convince myself it really was 2004. I touched the pendant once more and chuckled, dumbfounded by its deed.

"There's one, " his pace quickened and I followed. I looked at the direction he was taking me before resting my eyes on two empty seats in the front of the train. He tossed his bag on the compartment above our heads as I took the seat by the window. He sat down next to me as I looked out the window, the night sky glowing before me. I pulled my jacket closer around me, my breathing growing deeper and my heart racing yet again. I was sitting next to the man who had been my biggest 'what if' and now he's here, alive and breathing. Tell me this isn't groundbreaking.

"Ava, are you alright? You look as if you've just seen a ghost. " He placed his hand on mine and smiled. "You're pale. "

I shook my head furiously and sat up straighter. "Oh no, no, no... I'm just... I'm just glad you're here. " I said genuinely, stroking his hand and looking down at it. He didn't murmur a word, instead, he gently placed his hand on my head and slowly rested it on his shoulder, planting a kiss on me. I closed my eyes, relishing the moment as I sighed.

"Cam? " The train was moving now as I opened my eyes.

"Hm? " He mumbled.

"Can you... " I sat up to face him. "Can you refresh my memory? "

"About? " He looked at me, confused.

"About... us, " I looked deep and sternly into his gray eyes. "I mean, I just... we've been apart for so long and we probably only communicated through e-mails or by phone. Not that I've forgotten about what has happened between us or what we ever talked about, I just want to hear the story again of how you actually got around to moving down here... and, well, anything about us, really. "

I felt so foolish, asking him something that even I knew didn't make sense. It was so hard trying to cover up the fact that I was clueless about everything while still trying to ask how he and I came to be. I pray that he doesn't see right through me.

"Do you understa-"

He chuckled and gestured his hands for me to stop speaking.

"Why don't you read it for yourself? I brought with me all the letters you exchanged with me. "

"We... " Bewildered, I looked at him oddly. "We exchanged letters? "

I had patience to wait for letters? Maybe I really did turn out differently just as this situation was turning out differently.

"Well, yeah... we both agreed we preferred it that way. " He got up and opened the top compartment, unzipping the front pocket of his bag and pulling out a stack of letters tied together with a red ribbon. "Only lasted for a few months though, I really wanted to hear your voice and you would get impatient waiting for a letter. " He smiled at the memory as he handed them to me.

"As far as how I made it here without Dad putting up a fight, I didn't have to do much. He began neglecting me and buried himself in work. Guess that's his defense mechanism. I know I told you he let me off last week. " He looked down and smirked. "But I just left a note and left. "

"But Cam, you can't just-"

"It doesn't matter now. " He shook his head and pushed away the thought. "All that matters is that we're together. "

I looked at him for a while, uncertain. I tried searching for a look of regret or remorse, but his face was so direct, so stern, as if he had made the right decision.

"Well... " I said. "Alright. "

"Besides, we made a promise to each other, didn't we? " He turned to me, waiting for an answer. I stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding my head, my lips curving into a gentle smile as I placed my hand on his face and kissed his nose softly.

I turned to the letters, holding the stack in my hands as if it contained a big secret that was buried deep within. I slowly tugged at the ribbon, the knot coming loose before falling on my lap altogether. I then opened each one, eager for answers, eager for proof that something really happened in this dream world. My eyes scanned each page, never missing a word and my God, my penmanship has definitely improved over the years.

'Cam, I don't know how long I'll be able to take missing you... but hopefully, you don't ever get weary of waiting. Because I will never cease to try. '

If this had been me reading the letters at 25 years old, I would have gagged. But this whole situation was so extraordinary that I didn't know how to feel any other emotion other than amazement. I read on to the other letters.

'Tomorrow is your 19th birthday and I wish I could give you more than just a greeting. I wish I could hold you. '

There was so much sincerity and urgency in these messages that they overwhelmed me as I opened more. But then, they had started growing a bit sadder.

'Please, love, do not give up on life or I. You can take as much time to yourself as you like, but it won't change the fact that I will always be here waiting with open arms to comfort you. '

But what made my heart hurt was the tear stains that made the ink appear runny. I gently ran my fingers over them, feeling the moment inside the letter just as much as I was now. Whether they were his tears or mine, I wanted to find out.

'I am heavily saddened for you, but even more so that I cannot be there with you to embrace you and grieve with you. But just remember this Cam, she is in a much more lovely place now. She loved you, and even in spirit, she still does. Always. '

I gasped a little, clamping my hand in front of my mouth. Even in this life, his Mother had passed away and I slightly wished that this time travel would have changed that too. But I couldn't be too sure or dependent of this odd opportunity to experience life differently. It wasn't here to perform miracles... it was just... well, I had yet to find out if this had something to do with anything else other than Cam. Or maybe I was just a forgetful girl who had stupidly fallen asleep with the damn necklace around my neck. Now that I think about it, maybe I underestimated that fortune teller.

'Cam, I just... I just miss you so much. Today wasn't a good day, and smoking lady bug just isn't the same without you. She still smells a bit like your grape lip balm that you always wore. '

Then I began to wonder, what place or time did I write each letter or feel every emotion? In my real life, I had just moved into my empty studio with only the cash I had from selling a few of my paintings and I was stuck working full-time at Jerry's Diner. What was I doing in this life before I woke up suddenly inside the subway station? It was impossible for me not to know, considering that this was supposed to happen, had things turned out differently. And where were his letters? I had to find them. I needed to know his responses. It must be wherever I am living now.

I was only halfway through the stack before I stopped to catch a glimpse of Cam, who had fallen asleep beside me.

'You remember the time you told me you were looking at the stars and how they just weren't the same as the night we were together on the lake? Just think, that when you look at the moon at around 6 PM, it'll be 2 AM here, exactly the time when I gaze up at it. We'll be staring at it together. Now there's something that will always stay the same. But you wanna know something else that will also stay the same? The way my heart beats for you. '

I smiled slightly as the feeling came bittersweet. I slowly put down the letter and looked out the window, the city lights bright and vivid. I placed my hand on my chest, the beating of my heart steady. I looked back, Cam's face smooth and perfect against the light, his eyelids shut as he breathed in and out peacefully. I slowly reached to graze my fingers over his cheek, just needing one, simple touch. Just to make sure this moment was real.

The letters existed. There were pages and pages stained with ink and memorable messages. They never existed before, but somehow now, they're here. And they're his. And they're mine. They're ours. I pressed the letter to my chest, feeling something I wished I had felt whenever 'what if' crossed my mind all those times I overlooked New York by myself. In this world, those 'what if's' were happening, starting with this moment. And this moment, was, well... mine. It's timeless.

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